Everyone is looking, craving, wanting love and this search for the “one” can sometimes take over our whole lives. Many people are guilty of getting swept away when they first meet someone and in the midst of lust and desire to make that connection. Ignoring any red flags, they concentrate on the positives in the relationship and read into little signs they believe indicate they have found their one true love.
It’s good to see the best in people when you first meet them but idealizing a person, or a relationship can be dangerous. Many times people end up getting into relationships because it gives them validation and self-worth rather than because of a unique emotional bond or connection to that particular person.
We can be in relationships with people we don’t get to know for weeks, months, years and are happy to stay in them, just because we lack emotional independence. How do you know if you’re in love or only emotionally dependent? Here are ten warning signs that might make you rethink your relationship.
1. You get jealous
Friends, family, even colleagues, you hate it when your partner spends time with someone that isn’t you and become extremely jealous. You may create problems to stop them leaving you or cause arguments when they return. This isn’t a fear of infidelity; you can be suspicious of them taking their mother out for a day trip or doing a favor for a friend. You just like to have their attention, all the time.
2. You’re always together
You used to have hobbies, groups of friends and take part in activities before your relationship, but now you don’t. You have ditched them and so has your partner so that you can spend all your time together. Cutting off bonds that you used to value is also another sign. This puts all your need for comfort, emotional support, advice or anything in life, on your partner.
3. You fear they’ll leave
You are petrified that your partner will go you for someone else and you’ll be alone. This leads to possessiveness around others and needs to keep their attention all the time. Most people have this fear at some point, but this is a step further. You’re obsessed with locking them in the relationship and every person he mentions or meets, you fear will take them away from you.
4. You bail all the time
Bailing on plans just so you can watch TV together might be cute now and again, but if it’s every time it’s a problem. Everyone needs space, and it’s a little worrying that you will continuously ditch others just because your partner wants you to. Or, if you do it because you can’t handle being away from your partner, that’s a warning sign too.
5. You rely on them for validation
If the only person’s opinion that matters is your other half’s, including your own, that should worry you. Valuing their view of you is fine, but to trust them more than yourself is taking it a step too far. Personal validation should always come above anyone else’s opinion. Despite what you think, you know yourself best.
6. It’s all about appearances
There are things about your partner that make you doubt your relationship, but as long as your friends and family still like them, it’s ok. Sound familiar? If it does then, consider why it matters more to you how your partner appears than what he’s genuinely like.
7. You want to change them
If you look at your partner or relationship like something you have to improve or make changes to before you are happy then consider why you’re with them at all. This is more than not just liking the way they dress, but putting up with it because you love them. If you need to transform them, maybe you need someone completely new.
8. You’re controlling
You like calling the shots and when your partner doesn’t do exactly what you want you can get very upset. You like having control over them, and if you don’t, it can lead to problems.
9. You genuinely believe your life would be over without them
You live in fear that one day something will happen to your partner or they will decide to end your relationship. You cannot imagine coping without them and may never recover from losing them.
10. You rely on them for self-worth
You crave affection, attention, and approval from your other half. Whether it’s a compliment for how you look or how you’re doing in work, you need that validation. If you don’t get it, you can become upset and filled with self-doubt.