We all lie… Yes, we all really lie! Some of us lie from time to time, others always lie. Of course, I hate to admit it, but it’s true and I had to reconcile to this fact.
According to the official statistics, you may lie from 10 to 200 times on any given day. Moreover, you tell a lie to yourself an average of 1 to 2 times in the same period.
I think (and hope you will agree with me) that lying to others is awful, but lying to yourself is a thousand times worse. Once Jodi Picoult said, “You can fool yourself, you know. You’d think it’s impossible, but it turns out it’s the easiest thing of all.” This is one of my favorite quotes about lying that actually shows the nature of the problem.
I’ve got two great passions in my love – a great love of reading and writing… therefore, I have a very creative imagination. Suddenly, that turned out to be a big challenge for me because I started to notice that I fell an easy prey to self-deception.
So there was nothing I could do but accept the problem and start looking for the ways to stop lying to myself. Now, I’d like to share my experience. Here are 10 useful tips that can help you fool yourself less and become a better, more honest person.
It’s easy to find flaws in other people and it’s difficult to admit that you also have such flaws. So, the first thing you should do is recognize the problem and decide for yourself that you don’t have to lie to be nice and seem satisfied with your life.
Stop trying to please everyone. Try to express your thoughts and ideas clearly as well as say honestly “yes” and “no”. Your straight answer provides an opportunity to relax emotionally. Besides, most people appreciate honesty.
It is one thing to say that you’d like things to be different, but the action is another. Unfortunately, you may often lie to yourself by wishing something. For example, you often imagine that you win a lottery, get the inheritance or find a better job. You just IMAGINE that something in your thoughts can CHANGE your life. Finally, you wait passively and do nothing! So, when you find yourself saying “if only”, you should realize that you lie to yourself. This “if only” doesn’t make any changes in your life, but your actions can do them.
Start doing concrete steps for yourself and your life if you really want to change it and be happy. Remember, tomorrow will be exactly the same as today. It makes no sense to put things off until tomorrow, it would be better to start changing your life from now on.
Try to realistically assess your capacities and needs. Don’t try to be someone you’re not and you shouldn’t lie to yourself and won’t feel so bad.
Don’t hurry to admit your defeat if you can’t finish something. It’s so easy to give up, it’s hard to finish. Stop and think once more time, whether you’ve got another way to see things through to the end.
You often lie to yourself when you’re scared because lying is considered a defense mechanism. Well, the only way to minimize the impact of this mechanism is to minimize your fears.
You shouldn’t ignore your feeling and the voice of your heart. Try to listen to them as often as you can!
You need to learn the difference between constructive criticism of your honest and helpful friends and overly critical bullying. It often happens that you equate these opposing concepts and that’s why you consider constructive criticism like a personal attack. Try to listen to someone who gives you a bit of honest or critical advice, don’t try to eliminate this person from your life. Perhaps, it’s time to analyze your behavior.
If you accept the problem and realize that you don’t want to lie to yourself and other people, you can read the book on how to control your emotions and actions. William Backus in his book “Learning To Tell Myself Truth” presents a six-week program that can help you improve the way you think, say and act.
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