Dating

13 Brutal But Essential Lessons 2017 Has Taught Me

2018 is around the corner, and you know what this means..a fresh start, new rules of life to live by, new resolutions and what not. But to make 2018 remotely better, I had to sit down with the lessons I have learned from 2017.

Sure, these lessons are brutal, and although they are not new, I have finally come to terms with learning from them. Here is a quick list of lessons I have learned from 2017 and firm to keep mindful of them in 2018!

#1: Know When to Say Goodbye

My boyfriend of almost two years left for another state and forgot to take me with him. Two weeks of silence and then he remembered my existence again.

Probably about the time he ran out of money and wanted me to pay his cell phone bill, so we could continue talking?

Well, if he couldn’t speak to me for two weeks, I figured I should let him spend his own money to figure out how he was going to talk to anyone else in the future.

I said goodbye and hung up, problem solved.

#2: Never Forget That Words Hurt

When someone sent a text or left a voice mail that was hurtful, I used to delete the message right away.  Later, when the person wanted to talk to me again and was all nice, I would forget those words.

When that same person kept doing the same thing over and over, however, they were establishing a pattern of behavior that would likely continue.  So, the next time, I would save it for whenever I felt weak about letting them back into my life.

I would replay the message, re-read the text, and remember what it was that I had done to deserve such words, such language.

The only thing I had done is allow this person back into my life so that they could continue the verbal/emotional abuse and I was better off without it.

#3: It Is Okay to Block People in Life

One goes through a grieving process when they break up with someone, and even though you may miss that person, if that person keeps reeling you back in but keeps treating you the same way that led to the breakup, blocking them is the most humane thing you can do for them and yourself.

It will help stop the “bleeding,” and let the wound heal. 

#4: Dating Apps Are Good to Get Back Out There

Let’s face it, dating apps can be brutal, but after being alone after my breakup, I wanted to get back out there, and I wasn’t having any luck meeting anyone in my day-to-day life.

While I was a bit apprehensive about meeting up with a total stranger from a dating app, I had plenty of friends who had met their boyfriends that way, so I listened to all their advice and got on Tinder.

#5: Say No

I hate saying no, and I for sure know there are people out there willing to take advantage of that.

I feel sorry for others less fortunate, and I put myself in their shoes and think, “How would I feel if they told me no?” I wouldn’t like it, so I cannot seem to say it.

But this year, when I found myself being reeled in by the same type of no-good guy, I rethought my strategy and called them up and gently but firmly, told them no.

No thanks to a relationship that didn’t meet my expectations, no thanks to going down the same wrong path I had taken in the last relationship.

#6: Saying Yes to Myself

While I am busy saying yes to everyone else, most often I found saying no to myself.

No, I cannot splurge and buy that beautiful outfit today, no I cannot sleep in an extra hour when someone out there must need myself, no I cannot take a day off work just for the fun of it.

Well, I found out that life doesn’t always turn out the way you thought it would, and if you don’t put yourself first sometimes, you will be empty and won’t have anything to give to anyone else.

#7: Stand Up for Yourself

This one goes along with the last two lessons, but shouldn’t be left out just because it seems obvious.

2017 was quite a year for my learning curve, and standing up for myself has helped my self-esteem immensely. By standing up for myself, I have shown people that I am deserving of the same individual treatment they get, so there!

#8: Know Enough is Enough

While we were raised to believe we could do anything we put our minds to, we also need to realize when to call it quits. Sometimes life gives us roadblocks for a reason, and we need to recognize when to quit, be it in a relationship that just isn’t working out or perhaps a change in our career path.

#9: Not Everyone Has to Like Me

This may be a lesson that I have already learned, but I had to repeat the lesson in 2017.

Being in a relationship and trying so hard to please another person, I had forgotten that not everyone has to like me. I didn’t have to “settle” for someone who was less than I deserved, and it was okay if they didn’t like me in the end.

#10: Keep Trying When You Fail

I got so discouraged with some of the events that happened, both in personal and professional life. It is an important lesson to learn because if you stop just because you didn’t succeed the first, second or third time, you will not find success at all.

#11: Not Every Kiss Will Turn Into A Fairytale

Sure, I would think this could be the guy! I trust him; I get close to him, perhaps I even gave him a glimpse of my heart. If he is the one, he will be worthy of it, but not everyone we put our faith in will live up to our expectations. I don’t get discouraged, and if I fail, I go back to lesson number 10.

#12:  Know The True Meaning of Friendship

Social media can deceive us with “friending” people, but does this make them our true friend? Most people can count on one hand the people in this world they trust and can count on in a time of need, and that is most likely a true friend.

Once you know who your true friends are, you will most likely be very comfortable sharing information with them and trusting them with such information, unlike that acquaintance on social media that “likes” all your photos.

#13:  Love Thyself, First and Foremost

We are always told about self-love, but then it seems our society pushes us to take the word “selfish” as a bad thing.

He is selfish, she is selfish, tsk, tsk.  

If you love yourself first and put yourself first, this isn’t being the dangerous type of selfish. You are merely taking care of numero uno and you should. You should care of yourself enough to make sure you eat right, get enough sleep and be the best you that you can be.

Please Share with Your Friends and Family

About the Author: Angela Montgomery is a world traveler, with four continents conquered and three remaining. She lives in Hawaii, where she enjoys hiking and has the beach available to her throughout the year. She recently got the opportunity to spend over ten months in Korea and fell in love with their minimalist way of life. She has driven to 49 states with her father, but upon visiting Hawaii, she just wanted to stay.

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