Getting married is such an exciting time in a person’s life. Between the planning for the wedding, to getting to know each other’s families, there are so many exciting things that happen when a couple is planning their wedding.
But when it comes to getting married, what you do not know about your future spouse can actually hurt you.
Often couples avoid asking the hard questions of each other because they are shy, or they just do not want to ruin the good thing they have going for them. However, avoiding those questions can cause chaos down the line and damage a potentially stable and loving marriage.
So before you tie the knot with your significant other, here are some questions to ask of them to make sure you are set for the future.
1. How does your family “fight”?
When it comes to fighting, how does your significant other’s family fight? Do they throw plates at each other? Were things handled in a calm and quiet manner? Or were things handled by screaming loudly over each other? This is something that you should know before getting married because chances are your spouse will mimic those same fighting patterns when the two of you eventually have your first fight.
2. Children, yes or no?
Most couples have a conversation about children (how many, will you adopt, etc.), but they do not have a conversation about who will be responsible for said children. Will the responsibility fall mainly on the mom or does the dad plan to help with the child rearing? This conversation must be had before marriage because once the children are born would be the least ideal time to be discussing who is majority responsible for the children.
3. Religion – will there be an emphasis on religious holidays? Will religious holidays be celebrated?
Just like children, religion is often discussed early in a relationship. However, couples should have a conversation around how the religion will be practiced. Is the expectation that every religious holiday will be celebrated? If so, how will you divide the holidays between both families? These questions should be asked to prevent any conflict when it comes to this area of your personal and couple lives.
4. Debt – will my debt become your debt?
Another big topic that couples do not discuss is the topic of money. Chances rare you are aware of your partner’s financial standing, but how much do you really know? Before getting married it is important to discuss financial information with your spouse. Not only should you know how much debt your significant other is carrying, they should also know how much you are bringing to the table. Another conversation that is needed around money is how the money will be managed – will your finances be joined or will your money remain separate? This is something to be sure of before walking down the aisle.
5. How much is too much?
Another money related question is the question around how much is too much? When it comes to certain things like cars, shoes, television, couches, how much money is too much money to spend on these items? While you might have an expectation about how much is too much for a couch, your significant other might have a completely different idea what would be too much. Having a general idea on how much you both are will to spend on things will help you both be on the same page.
6. How much is too much independence?
When people enter into marriage, the general thought is that they will keep their autonomy. But once they are married, the expectations could change a little bit. It is a good idea to answer the questions around how your relationship will look like after you are married to prevent tension when one of you wants to be more independent than the other.
7. Sex – how important is it?
Often in relationships, one partner values sex more than the other – and this is totally normal. But couples will sometimes avoid talking about sex because it is uncomfortable to discuss. It is important to have a conversation around what you expect in your sexual relationship versus your significant other’s expectations.
8. What is your love language?
Did you know that everyone gives and experiences love differently? Chances are your spouse does not have the same love language as yourself. It is a good idea to take the 5 Love Languages test to learn a little bit more about how your significant other gives and receives love. This will help you find ways to love on your spouse in a way that is meaningful to them.
9. How do you see our future?
Ask your significant how they see your future. Does this align with how you see your future together? If not, this would be a good time to talk about the discrepancies and see how you could find ways to compromise that work for the both of you.
10. Are you willing to work toward the relationship?
When getting married, couples assume that it will be a walk in the park. However, marriage take work from two people. Ask your significant other how hard they are willing to work to make the marriage last? This is a good time to set expectations for your marriage and how hard you both will work to make it last.
11. What do you love about me, and what about me frustrates you?
It is good to get into that habit of encouraging your significant other throughout your marriage. It is also good to know what things about you could possibly be a point of pain for them. Having the ability to openly discuss these areas with your significant other is a good habit to develop before you walk into your marriage.
12. Are you comfortable around my family?
While this may seem a bit odd, it is important to know how your significant other feels around your family and they need to know how you feel around their family. Because the two of you are brining your families together, it is important to have harmony between you and your families.
13. Do our interests, attitudes and values match?
Chances are you share some of the same interests as your significant other, but how many of them line up? Are your attitudes the same? Will your differences in interests cause differences down the line? Just another good thing to talk about before you tie the knot.