Being in any kind of relationship with a narcissist can mean you are subjected to a range of mental abuse and whether it’s intense or subtle, it can leave you with lasting, untold damaged.
This toxic personality drains the life out of its victims, leaving them feeling emotionally crushed, vulnerable and tormented. Narcissists have no compassion for those they claim to care about and will use their charismatic powers to manipulate and control, until they get exactly what they want out of you.
There’s no underestimating the profound effect being a relationship with this type of person can have on someone, both mentally and emotionally. An individual may never recover from being in the clutches of a narcissist, but those who do survive and manage to escape the relationship are usually able to achieve some perspective and draw wisdom from their experience.
While it is impossible to explain to a victim why they had to suffer at the hands of a narcissist, acceptance of what has happened can be achieved and is an important step in moving on. While getting back in contact with the abuser after the relationship isn’t advised, it can be therapeutic for a sufferer to think of what they would say to them to help move on.
1. “I’m not broken”
Narcissist have no empathy for those they claim to love and are fully committed to getting what they want from someone, regardless of how it might impact on an individual. This can leave someone feeling mentally and emotionally tortured, used and degraded. For the healing process, it’s important for the sufferer to know that despite all that has happened to them, they have not been broken by the experience. They survived and while they may struggle for a while, they will recover eventually.
2. “You have lost my love and will suffer without it”
Being in love with a narcissist can be torture as despite how they treat you, you still love them and have a place for them in your heart. Even after prolonged suffering, many abused will still hold onto the hope that their partner will one day wake up a changed person. It’s difficult to stop caring for someone and a narcissist is so skilled at manipulation that their loved ones can take a long time to realize they don’t deserve the affection they had for them.
Narcissists don’t value love, affection or empathy and so their victims can forget how special it is to feel these emotions. Realizing that your love wasn’t a weakness, but a gift they no longer had is important to moving on. They will be poorer and they will suffer without your affection, even if they don’t know it.
3. “I learned some tough home truths”
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can make a person feel like they have wasted huge amounts of time on someone who never cared for them. But it’s important to understand what you may have learned from your time together and that while it may have been difficult, soul destroying and at times unbearable the experience will have left you wiser.
While a narcissist will probably learn nothing from your relationship, you will come away with not only a deeper understanding of other people but also yourself and feel you have a stronger understanding of who you are and the person you want to be.
4. I don’t hate you, I pity you
Being able to pity or feel sorry for your abuser can be a huge step in moving on. Realizing their behavior had nothing to do with you and was about their own deep routed issues, can be freeing and will help throw off the power the abuser may still have over you. Understand that their inability to feel love, show compassion, or even be in an equal relationship means they can never fully experience the deep joy of a connection to another person.
Their life will be darker because of it and while they may have tormented you for a short time, they will never be able to escape themselves.