Monogamy is the act of being solely with one person at a time. But today’s generation often question that, is a monogamous relationship natural?
The older generation is now faced with a new kind of world, where it’s common for people to date multiple others at any one time, or to date casually. While many millennials do intend to have a singular life partner at some point, there’s much more opportunity for experimentation and trial run than there were fifty years back.
The change in how we view monogamy has come with the sexual revolution. People can now love who they want when they want, and for whatever reason they choose. Women are now recognized – for the most part – as equals, and what they want in the bedroom has changed attitudes completely.
Now, it is rare but accepted, that some people can experience two partners at the same time in a harmonious relationship. It’s also accepted that people of the same genders will date and get married in many countries. But when it comes to monogamy, many people are still stuck in the past.
Terri Conley of the University of Michigan’s Stigmatized Sexualities Lab says that even with our forward-thinking attitudes, many of us still struggle to see any way of navigating a relationship that isn’t monogamous and ‘of the norm.’
Either way, monogamy is changing. The way the older generation defines a monogamous relationship is probably different from how millennials view it. Here’s how;
1. Monogamy Doesn’t Guarantee a Life-long Relationship
Just because we select a person to be with for a while, it doesn’t mean the same person will be around in ten years’ time. While no one aims for divorce, it’s widespread now, with about 50% of Americans experiencing one in their lifetime.
The difference is that fifty years ago, a woman would be shamed for being a divorced lady. It just wasn’t done at the time.
Now, the median length of a ‘lifetime of marriage’ is around eighteen years. While this is a significant chunk of a person’s life, it’s certainly not forever, as many people promise at the altar.
One in twenty Americans reports that they’ve been married over three times, which just shows that people are much less willing to stay in an unhappy relationship now.
Plus, we must also remember that dating has changed. If you think of your grandparents and their predecessors, many of them will only have dated their life partner, and they got married much sooner. With divorce being so revered at the time, it meant they stuck it out for longer, even if they were unhappy.
2. Monogamy Doesn’t Equal Marriage
Marriage is a religious ceremony – though it’s not always treated as one – and many people opt out of it now, especially if they’re non-believers. However, that doesn’t mean people aren’t planning to be together for life. A ring on their finger doesn’t affect whether they choose to stay – it’s all about the dynamics of the relationship.
While the number of people getting married has decreased, more and more people are still planning to spend the entirety of their life together, and this is shown by the number of couples moving in along.
With new views on who can live together and when the number of single people is steadily rising. Perhaps this comes with women being able to support a household alone now and being allowed to work without being expected to have a family.
3. Monogamous Relationship Isn’t The Only Option
Sociologists believe that we were not born to be monogamous, and with that knowledge in mind, the amount of people in nontraditional relationships is rising. But actually, monogamy has been challenged for a long time, if you think about it accurately.
Though these acts have diminished over the years, many men often hired sex workers and had mistresses, long before we started putting labels on relationships. Now, monogamy has changed in a way where we expect it to be meaningful, and to be with someone else on the side is frowned upon.
Sociologists believe that confining men the way women have always been being a bad thing, and it’s meant marriages are harder to navigate. Perhaps this is why people are now turning to polygamy more and more.
4. Monogamous Relationship Isn’t The Same for Everyone
A monogamous relationship isn’t really the same for everyone. We have a lot more freedom than we used to, no matter what people say. We have more opportunities to shape the way we view our relationships, and it’s seen as okay to open ourselves up to new possibilities.
Sex and relationships are always changing, so it just depends on where we are in life, who we’re with and why we’re with them. Our motives may be different depending on the partner – sex and love are sometimes separate issues. In other words, anything goes, and it’s pretty great for everyone.
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