Losing a spouse is one of the most difficult things that anyone can experience, especially when they’re young. When my husband passed away last year, I realized that life as I knew it would no longer be the same. But what many people like myself didn’t realize is there is so much more that happens after one loses a spouse.
When I heard the words, “He’s gone,” it was almost as though my entire world had stopped in place. How in the world was I going to survive this? How was I going to manage the bills? Who will plan his funeral? How will I survive?
Unfortunately, I’m not the only person in this world who has lost their spouse, and I thought I could share some of the things I learned after the death of my husband. Before I begin, I want to remind everyone that no matter what, you are not alone. Many, many people love you and support you.
1. There will be vultures; you must know your ground
It is incredible how funerals bring so many people out of the woodwork. People that had not talked to us in years started coming around asking about his things – his TV, his video games, his golf clubs. It was amazing what people began asking for. I was in complete and utter shock that people dared to even ask about his will. I must say, I probably could have handled the situation a little better, but at that point, I didn’t care because they were just ruthless.
2. This is a real test of friendship
I have to say that I was completely surprised at the people that came to help me. Friends that I hadn’t spoken to in a while started coming around and supporting me in ways that made me realize I needed support. I think the best part for me was the people that were close to my husband, that I didn’t know, coming to my side to support me because they loved my husband. What a complete and utter blessing these people were to me.
3. People will have good intentions
But they might not show up. Like number two, a lot of people will come out of the woodwork. However, you will find that people will offer to help you but will not show up. Now, that doesn’t mean that they don’t care and that their offers for help were not genuine. It just says that they wanted to help but isn’t sure how to. Take time to thank them for the offer and let them know how they can help. If they follow up with you, great; if not, no harm was done.
4. I’m stronger than I realized
When life deals you the crappiest cards, it feels like there is no possible way you can survive. However, you will be surprised at how much you can do when put in this situation. When it came to putting my life back in order, I was surprised at how I was able to pick myself up. When everyone is telling me how I needed to do things, I found my voice and was able to handle everything the way I saw fit.
5. I was blessed to love him
And I was blessed to be loved by him. Throughout our entire relationship, I knew that I was so blessed to love him. However, when my husband died, I realized that I was so blessed to have a man like him love me.
He was always a stronghold in my life and kept me sane in a world that is continuously insane. After he died, I realized that I could have done more to show him I was so grateful for him and for the love he gave me and it made me sad. But I also tried to remind myself that no matter what, I was blessed to have him in my life and would be forever grateful for that.