There is a big different with people, who are just full of themselves and a bit narcissistic and people, who have a serious disorder. Narcissism as an actual personality disorder is far worse than just thinking greatly about yourself.
People, who have the disease are very manipulative, especially with the person that is closest to them. That is why most of the problems are within relationships and are not talked about a lot.
In addition to being manipulative, narcissists are deceitfulness, they lack of empathy and they are inter-personally exploitative.
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It may be difficult to notice and define the signs, especially when you are in love and trust the person you are with. It is still important to identify these red flags, because these people might get worse over time and then it is even more difficult to get away from these people. Narcissistic people might be abusive and controlling.
They make up their own rules and boundaries, which you have to follow.
Here are the signs, that your partner is manipulating you and being narcissistic:
1. They play games
There are usually three phases, that a narcissist goes though in a relationship. First there is idealization, which happen in the early stages of a relationship. In this phase the person will put you in the center of everything, give you gifts and compliments and make you feel like the most special person in the world. This phase is usually the one, where people get sucked in the relationship.
Then comes the devaluation phase, where the narcissist will suddenly start to act different. The compliments are replaced with insults and criticism and they start to put you down and make you feel unworthy of their love in all possible ways. The last phase is discarding, where the narcissist abandons you in the most horrific and demeaning way possible.
This might include leaving you for someone else, humiliating in a public place, being physically abusive or some other ways showing you that you are no longer needed nor important.
2. They will make you believe, that the problem is always you
There is a special kind of technique called “gaslighting”, which means that the narcissist convinces you that your perception of the abuse is inaccurate. With the phases mentioned above, they will make you emotionally instable and insecure, so you start to believe their words more. They will make you think that them punishing you and treating you badly is actually your own fault.
Narcissists often use phrases such as “you provoked me”, “you are being too emotional”, “you are such a drama queen” and “I do not know what are you talking about”. With these phrases they make you actually believe that it was indeed your fault or that it never even happened.
This insecurity and self-doubt of the partner enables the narcissist to keep the relationship going, even though it is a very toxic one.
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3. They will turn everyone against you
Narcissistic might look very friendly and social people on the outside and because of that it is easy for them to make friends. They will always portray you as the psycho one in the relationship and make themselves a victim in front of their friends. Their friends start to believe that you are the troubled one and this increases your instability and insecurity.
4. They will try to make you jealous
When healthy relationships are based on security and trust, then unhealthy ones are the opposite. Narcissistic people tend to provoke you and make you question their loyalty and commitment.
Narcissists like to engage in love triangles and play puppeteer to your emotions. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion and they think that by making you jealous and afraid of losing the relationship and the person, you will start to obey more and agree to their conditions and rules.
5. They are not being real with you
They tend to hide behind a mask and be fake most of the time. It seems like they have a split personality, because how otherwise can they be so gentle, loving and sweet in one moment and totally rude, belittling and abusive in the other moment.
If you see these traits in your relationship, run in the other direction. You might think that things will improve and the narcissist can change, but this is not true. These people are great manipulators and make you think like they want – but listen to your heart and stay true to yourself. When someone is not being genuine and sweet to you and not making you feel safe and loved in a relationship, it is not a relationship to be in.
