To some people, staying in a long-term relationship comes very naturally and easily. Others have a hard time committing and making it work. A Manhattan-based divorce attorney, Cari Rincker, shared her advice on how to stay together and how couples can avoid breaking up.
The divorce attorney’s shares her six most important tips for a long-lasting relationship:
She says that when people are going through a divorce, they are almost always fighting about money. It is pretty common to have financial problems as well, which is not spoken about in the marriage. Cari thinks that it is important that the couple can share their money problems and talk about all kinds of issues connected to their finances.
It is all about being open and honest with each other.
It is easy to think, that people break up because they grow apart or one is cheating on the other. A common reason is that people do not get enough support from each other. When one of the partners goes through a terrible life event, like losing a job or a family member, falling seriously ill or having problems with children, the other partner does not understand what they are going through, and that makes them disconnected from each other. The problem again is in the communication or the absence of it.
Whatever you are feeling, try to explain it to your partner, or when your partner is going through something, try to understand him as much as possible.
A lot of couples think that seeking out a therapist is a sign of weakness or a pointless step. Professional help can save your relationship. Sometimes all you need is a second opinion and someone, who is neutral towards the both of you. A therapist can understand what the couple is dealing with because she has seen a lot of cases just like that. Even when it feels like your problems are unique and more severe than other people’s problems, it’s probably not true.
You should always work together, not against each other. A relationship is a team; it is not a competition between you and your partner. It is all about helping each other and sharing your successes and troubles. It is also important to never take your partner for granted and to appreciate them every single day. Do not forget your focus and your priorities.
Focus on your spouse, cheer for their success and comfort them when they are sad. Do not just wait for your turn to talk, but actively listen to what they have to say. Communicate with them the same way you want to be communicated with. Arguments are healthy but do not stand against everything they are saying. Be supportive and empathic – try to understand their point of view.
It sounds cliché, but the number one day for divorce is the day after Valentine’s Day. Even if you think that celebrating this kind of holidays is pointless and stupid, do it for your significant other. If it is essential for her, it should be vital for you as well.
Do not disappoint her by forgetting your anniversary. Surprise her with flowers now and then. It is necessary that both partners put time and effort into the relationship. Otherwise, one is going to feel that the other one is not losing interest in the relationship.
Do small things for each other every single day, and your relationship will flourish.
A good relationship requires a lot of work. Of course, it should not be more troubles than happiness, but both partners need to put in some effort. It is always easier to give up and walk away, but when you truly love someone, you will find a way to make it work somehow. It might not be easy, but it is worth it.
Featured Image Courtesy: Meet Mindful (www.meetmindful.com)
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