A masochist isn’t really someone who likes bondage or sexualizes pain and agony like you read in Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s someone who finds pleasure in self denial and is gratified by pain. More like a narcissist, a masochist feels superior by degradation and dominance however the other way round.
In case you are wondering if you or someone around you is holding onto masochistic tendencies, go though these tell tale traits to identify them.
The number one sign to spot a masochist is that they are unable to say no. For them, No isn’t selfish or rude, its just an act of radical self-care. It’s a form to communicate that you’re able to listen to yourself without any literal or metaphorical pain.
Every time you are unsure whether to say a yes or a no, pause and take a deep breath. Does your instinct to say yes comes from a desire to seek someone’s approval or to impress them?
Remember, “No” is a proper and complete sentence, and it’s possible to say it with tenderness and compassion..
Masochists are quite disciplined about their morning meditation practices. They try and do yoga every day, even when they’re sick, and if they miss it, they end up feeling guilty and horrible. They would never ever cheat on a diet, even if it’s their own birthday.
When have had too much to drink or are gaining some extra five pounds they beat themselves up and turn into a self-berating exercise tyrant.
Masochists should realize that even though there’s nothing wrong with self care and discipline, our mistakes, eccentricities, quirks and triumphs are what make us so beautifully human rather than extremist behaviors.
Call it a victim, martyr, or a perpetrator, in every unhealthy psychological cycle there are three roles that many people, not necessarily a narcissist, feed into. The only way to break this pattern is to simply opt out from it. Consider your motivations every time you’re called on for a favor.
If in case you end by feelings of unworthy and liable to others for no reasons and that lead you to overcompensate to impress others simply by a fear of disappointing someone, you definitely have masochist tendencies. For such people, others come before themselves and they feel duly responsible for others security and happiness.
Even though it’s actually good to rescue and look after others but caring for yourself should also be considered.
A lot of people, specifically those with the healer archetype, tend to get uncomfortable when more than usual blessings flow their way. A masochist would however try and push them away instead. They seek pleasure in inflicting pain without getting relief.
Masochists should try giving themselves a “beauty bath.” Treat yourself to with a relaxing symphony; play beautiful music, get an aroma therapy oil massage, read a Rumi poem, keep fresh flowers with soothing fragrances, basically just try making yourself comfortable. Like everyone else around us, we ourselves deserve blessings and peace just as much as them.
Narcissists can be charismatic, seductive and compelling. At times they are magnetic and hard to avoid even for normal people. But unlike normal people, masochists keep walking straight into that trap over and over, without realizing the way a narcissist exploits you.
For a narcissist, others are just toys they play with to boost their self esteem and ego even if the other ends up rotting inside and that’s exactly what a masochist looks for, however the other way round.
The masochist should try to break the chain and spare themselves the heartbreak and disappointment a normal person would inevitably feel when continuously ending up as an echo to someone’s Narcissus.
Being kind, compassionate and accommodating is one thing. While to let your self become a door mat or a tissue paper is a whole other thing. Yes you should be soft and yielding, but also fierce and mature enough to right if wronged. The Tantric yoga tradition helps you fight self loath, and by far it’s a definite way to turn masochism into self-love.
There’s no way one can avoid feeling disappointed, sad, hurt or even scared or angry sometimes. Spiritual bypassing is something adopted by masochists by masking their emotions by shifting their energy or monitoring their thoughts elsewhere.
Even though it may help them to avoid painful emotions in the short term, suppressing yourself is self exhausting and always comes back to bite you.
Masochists hold back and judge their emotion as “wrong.” They should resist nothing. You’ll be surprised to see how quickly most painful emotions disappear when you relax into them.
Masochists spot drama and run right into the heart of it. If someone is a drama junkie, ask them why. Ask that doesn’t it hurt or exhaust you? Why do they wanna keep hurting? Advice them to permit themselves to prioritize the people and situations that cultivate the harmony in you.
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