No means no. It’s a fact of life. When you’re not sure if you want to engage in sexual activity or your partner isn’t sure either, then maybe should also mean no. Many people perceive it as a fine line, but the truth is, it’s not. That’s why you should be aware whether your partner is guilt-tripping you into having sex with them. There are certain signs when someone is luring you to have sex.
Some wouldn’t take this kind of behavior seriously, especially when it’s between two people in a relationship. However, without consent, engaging in sex suddenly becomes rape. Even trying to kiss someone when they don’t want to is sexual harassment. That’s why it’s vital that people pay attention to warning signs when someone is luring them to have sex.
1. They ask things like “Don’t you care about me?”
A classic way to manipulate someone is to make them feel guilty for not engaging in sex with them. This can be done in several ways, and one is the manipulator claiming that you don’t care enough about them. This is one of the most common signs someone is luring you into having sex. This often persuades you to give them what they want for fear of upsetting them, but remember, you don’t owe them anything. If you don’t want to do it and they try to pressure you, walk away.
2. For reasons unknown, you’re angry, and they brush you off for it
Your partner hasn’t done anything, in particular, to make you feel angry, and yet you do. According to Psychology Today, if a person is making you feel guilty about something, you often develop feelings of frustration and anger too. If this is the case, it’s possible it’s time to walk away from the relationship you’re in.
3. Persistence is another method of manipulation
You’ve said no several times, and your partner or lover is still attempting to get you to have sex with them. It’s like the more they ask, the more they wear you down until you agree to do it out of guilt. It’s a method that often works and one that everyone should be acutely aware of.
4. They claim that love equals sexual contact
While sex can be an essential part of a relationship for most people, it’s not the only thing that proves your love to somebody. You know that, but a manipulative partner will try to convince you otherwise. While you’re trying to figure out whether it’s true, they can often persuade you to have sex anyway to keep them happy.
5. They use your actions against you
A manipulative partner will say anything to get you in bed with them, and they’ll often try to convince you that you initiated the sexual contact. If you kiss them once, they’ll claim you’re a tease. If you asked him to come over in the evening, he’d assume you wanted sex. They try to apply logic to things that aren’t true to justify their reasoning, but that doesn’t mean you have to listen to them.
6. When you say no, they change
You can recall plenty of times where you’ve said no to sex, and your partner has suddenly become cold and distant. They refuse to touch you in any way or talk to you about it, choosing to shut you out instead.
This is not just immaturity, it’s manipulative behavior, and it’s a warning sign to get away.
7. You’re forced to listen to them putting themselves down
After they try to push you into bed, a manipulative person will then start with the self-deprecating behavior. They will mope around and claim that they’re not good enough, making the fact that you’re not in the mood personal to them. Even if you’re ultimately into them, they will make you feel guilty for not wanting them on their terms.
8. Your partner threatens to break up with you if you refuse them
For a manipulator, it’s all or nothing. They plan to win every disagreement, and that’s why they will threaten to break up with you if you refuse them. They don’t like to feel undermined, so they’ll force you to work on their terms or not at all.
Sexual harassment is a severe issue, and if you feel you need further help, there are plenty of hotlines and websites where you can get the help you need.
About the Author: Hayley Anderton is a Creative Writing graduate from Liverpool. She’s a freelance writer and the self-published novelist of the LGBT YA book, Double Bluff. She doesn’t go anywhere without a notepad and has been writing ever since she can remember. Her other interests include baking, talking about politics and feminism, and snuggling up with her cat. She has dreams of traveling the world with her best friends, and of being a well-known author someday.
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