Being in a relationship with a narcissist is a draining experience because their personality disorder gives them a need to control and manipulate people and daily situations. You have probably known for quite some time that the relationship was unhealthy and going nowhere, but eventually, you must take a stand and move on towards your happiness.
The most important thing to remember is that it’s not your fault that the relationship failed. Their personality disorder makes it impossible for them to be a supportive, loving partner. It’s also important to remember that you can’t fix their issues. They need professional help to get over their emotional unavailability and manipulative behaviors.
Unfortunately, narcissists very rarely confess to their own mistakes, so most of the time they never make a true attempt to change. The best thing for the victim in this scenario is to move on and improve their own life without the narcissist. Here is a list of ten signs that prove you’re over your narcissistic ex, it takes some time to heal completely, but it’s worth it in the end.
1. You Spot Empty Flattery Immediately
Narcissists know how to deliver compliments and it usually leaves us swooning in admiration. We feel good when we hear those sweet words of flattery, but the truth is, that there is no substance behind those words. It’s just empty small talk for the narcissist, a step they make to get whatever it is, that they want at that moment.
They’ll make grand promises that are everything you want in life, but eventually, you’ll see that they never tried to follow through with any of them. The compliments and grandiose promises aren’t about you at all; it’s all about them and what they want. Just like every other part of life with them.
Once you have moved on from your narcissistic ex you’ll be able to tell when someone is genuine and true from the actions that follow their compliments and promises.
2. You Don’t Want to Text or Call Them Anymore
When the relationship first ended it was hard not to think about your ex. After all, you gave them every bit of your free time, which meant you lost most of the people you considered friends, just because you never spent time with them anymore. At first, when you were sitting around lonely you may have had moments where you relapsed and tried to contact your ex. Avoid doing that because it will just lengthen your healing process.
It takes time to detox from your ex for you to be able to reach this step but after months of no contact, you will start to see the abuse for what it was. You’ll stop making excuses and sugar coating the bad things that happened to you. Once you reach this point, it’s easy to break the binds that kept you connected to them, and you’ll realize that you’re finally free from their narcissistic abuse.
3. You Ignore Their Attempts at Contact
This is a continuation of my previous point but reversed it is a separate issue. Even though you’ve lost the urge to call or text them, it’s a whole different situation when they try to contact you.
When your phone rings and you see their name on the screen but have no desire whatsoever to answer it, then you have moved on. Sometimes this drives your narcissistic ex up the wall, because they want to keep their connection with you. It makes them feel like they still have some control over your thoughts and emotions.
Dr. Tony Ferretti said “Narcissists hate to fail or lose, so they will do what they can to maintain some connection if they didn’t make the choice to end it. They can experience narcissistic injury when rejected by a partner and have difficulties letting it go or healing from it.”
So, once you can completely ignore their games and no more extended care about their attempts at communicating, then you have reached another milestone in moving on.
4. You Are Making Huge Strides in Life, Without Their Control
For so long everything you did was centered around making sure your narcissistic ex was happy and you may have stopped pursuing your own passions and goals.
Now that you’ve finally ended the cycle of mental abuse you are making giant leaps and bounds in everything from friendships to your career. You have accomplished so much without your ex making you doubt every decision you make.
You’re also proud of yourself again, and your confidence is beginning to improve with every new success.
5. You Have Begun to Help Others in Similar Situations
This is a sure sign that you have moved on from your toxic relationship. When you share your knowledge or story with others, to help them through their tough times, it shows that you have grown from the pain you thought would destroy you.
Some people even go as far to make a career out of it and become a therapist. Since they have dealt with similar situations they are excellent at helping others through their hard times.
6. Your Physical and Mental State has Improved
Being in a relationship that constantly has you on the edge about everything harms your body, soul, and mind. When your stress levels are out of control, your body reacts in some odd ways. Many people in bad relationships gain weight, have insomnia, and develop anxiety levels that are so bad they can cause physical reactions such as hives and panic attacks.
Once you’ve begun the healing process significant changes take place. Many people try stress-reducing activities like massage therapy, daily exercise, meditation or yoga.
With a healthier diet and frame of mind, your immune system will be stronger, and you’ll be less likely to get sick. You’ll lose weight, your skin might clear up, and your gorgeous smile will be easy to share again.
7. Your Life is About You, Again
When you wake up in the morning, you now decide what you want to do today. You’re not worried that you’ll make a wrong decision and be chastised for it by your ex. If you’re going to break your diet and eat fast food for breakfast or go shopping and buy a new dress, well then go for it, no one will make you feel guilty for treating yourself once and while.
Giving yourself time to heal and find yourself is essential, and once you have accomplished this, you know that you’re over your ex.
8. Who Cares What They’re Doing on Social Media? Not You
You used to follow them on all the social platforms and liked every picture or post they made. Even after you broke up, you would still check to see what they were up to or who they were spending time with. Narcissists love this because they know that they still have some small element of control if you need to know what’s going on in their lives. They may even make subtle hints in their posts that are aimed at you, just to keep you thinking about them.
Once you have moved on, you no longer feel the desire to see what they’re up to because they aren’t a part of your life anymore.
9. You No Longer Care If They Date Someone Else
This is a huge one. Seriously. When you are past the point of feeling jealous when you hear about their newest romantic interest, then you know you are truly free. You may even feel a bit sorry for their newest victim because you know what your ex is capable of.
You remember how they constantly made you feel like you were defective in some way, when the whole time they were the one with the issues, not you. Someone who loves you will never talk to other women behind your back or make you feel like they could replace you if you don’t live up to their impossible standards.
So, once you are indifferent to their new relationships, you know that you have moved on.
Many people put up with toxic relationships for way too long before they realize how bad it had gotten. Everyone has different coping skills, and strategies and we would love to hear if you relate to any of the points in this article. Or perhaps you have some of your insights to share with others who might be dealing with these same issues.
Just remember you are stronger and more empowered than ever before, now that you have moved on, and this is an attractive quality. So just keep being your beautiful self.
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About the Author: Samantha Kindler is a world traveler, with four continents conquered and three remaining. She lives in Hawaii, where she enjoys hiking and has the beach available to her throughout the year. She recently got the opportunity to spend over ten months in Korea and fell in love with their minimalist way of life. She has driven to 49 states with her father, but upon visiting Hawaii, she just wanted to stay.