Love & Relationships

9 Things You Realize Only When You Lose a Loved One


Losing a loved one is extremely painful process.  Everyone that loses someone dear to them experiences pain, but how they feel and express the pain is different.  Some people hide their pain, some express it.  Some will cry alone while others cry in front of those they feel comfortable to cry in front of.

No matter who you are, losing a loved one will bring you pain.  But what you might not expect is how you handle that loss after they are gone.  Here are 9 things you realize after you lose a loved one.

1. Death is certain

No matter how old someone is, they will die someday.  It is a fact of life that everything that has a beginning will eventually have an end.  Some people will die a peaceful death while others will experience a painful death.  While it is not pleasant to acknowledge, accepting that death is a part of life is a way to help you move forward after a loved one passes away.

2. You will question why?

After the loss of a loved one, many people go through several doubtful stages.  Why did they get cancer? Why am I left without them? Why did they die so young? These questions will begin to nag at you, but sometimes there just is not a simple answer as to why.  You will realize there are just some questions in life that will not be answered no matter how much you search for the answer.

3. Tears are good

So often when a person loses a loved one, they feel that they must put on a strong front for those around them.  And sometimes, the best thing to do is to just continue to push forward.  But you must remember that it is okay to cry.  Everyone in your life will understand why you are crying and will likely work to comfort you as you grieve your loss.  If you are not comfortable crying in front of others, take time when you are alone to cry.  It can help you feel some relief from the pain.

4. Talk through it

Just like crying, not everyone is comfortable talking through their pain.  But sometimes talking things through can help the healing process begin or move forward.  If you are not comfortable talking to a close family member or friend, try talking to a professional that is trained to help you grief the loss of your loved one.  Sometimes just talking through things allows you to see things from a different perspective that you might not have been so inclined to before.

5. Not all days will be good

Over time, you will begin to feel less pain around the death of a loved one.  But every now and then, you will have those days that are just hard to go through without that person.  This is perfectly normal and these days should be treated with care and patience.  It is okay to have a vulnerable day and be sad.  Just take time to feel sad and pick yourself up the next day.

6. Time heals all wounds

While the pain will not disappear quickly, over time you will begin to notice yourself slowly healing.  Just like your skin heals over time after a cut, your brain and emotions will begin to heal as well.  That does not mean that the pain is no longer there, it just means that you are finding new ways to live without your loved one.  Remember, your loved one wants you to keep living.

7. Find your passions

Are you into music? Do you like to paint? Is exercising your thing? Make time for those activities as they will help you feel more normal after the loss of your loved one.  Take time to find what you love and make it a point to do it a little bit each day.  This activity can help take your mind off of your pain and focus on positive areas of your life.

8. At big events, you will feel a void

Did your loved one pass away before a big event? When that event comes along you will notice how badly you wish they were there to participate.  Whether it is your first day at a new job or your wedding day, your first instinct will be to want to tell them.  Just remember, it is normal to miss them but reminder yourself that they would have been very proud of you that day (and likely every other day).

9. You will value others more

Losing a loved one will cause you to take a step back and evaluate the other relationships in your life.  You will realize how much or little value you place in the other people you’re connected to and you will take active steps to appreciate them.  Having a loved one die reminds us that no one is guaranteed tomorrow and you will want to make sure everyone knows how much you love them.

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