When you have been so entirely and inexplicably heading over heels in love with someone, letting them go can be like losing a part of yourself. You feel broken, unsure about the future and emotionally and physically exhausted by the torture of a breakup.
Putting the romance behind you and forgetting that person may seem like the most logical way to heal, but love and people are more complicated than that and moving on isn’t easy.
There’s no magic formula to flip off those feelings or a guide to getting over the person who broke your heart, and there are many reasons why you could be struggling to put a relationship behind you, even if you want to.
You Still Love Them
A simple explanation, but one that is often hard to admit. You still love them despite it being a year, five, ten down the line and you can’t imagine a day when you don’t. People assume you’re fine, that you have moved on, but really if you had the chance to go back, you would. Just someone mentioning their name gives you butterflies, and you constantly feel like you put on an act to pretend that you’re over them. But you know, deep down you’re not, even if you can’t admit it yet.
You’re Hoping for a Second Chance
If there’s a possibility it’s not over, then moving on is going to be impossible. Only when you completely close the door on a relationship can you get someone out of your system, so feeling like you could get back together will stop you moving on. If you don’t decide that it’s over, you will always hold something back in future relationships or even stay single to make sure they’re available for them.
You Can’t Accept It’s Over
When you have been deeply in love with someone, it can be hard to accept that things didn’t work out and maybe it wasn’t the relationship you thought it was going to be. This can be even worse if you lived together and had made plans for a future together.
After a break up it can be a long time before either party accepts that they’re no longer a couple even if they have technically broken up. It might not be a case of wanting to get back with them, but feeling like they’re still “yours” or putting the relationship on a pedestal and being unwilling to look at it honestly can all stop you moving on.
Sometimes it’s harder to face the future than let go of a painful past. After going through the pain of a breakup, you can feel emotionally exhausted and drained. Moving on means change and new challenges, and when you’ve had an emotional upheaval like a breakup, it can be easier to stay in that mind set.
You Can’t Let It Go
You want to move on, you want to put them behind you and get on with your life, but whether it’s a song, their favorite movie or even times of day – they’re constantly on your mind. You replay your relationship on a loop in your mind; when you met, the times they made you happy and then what went wrong. You replay scenarios and wonder if you would still be together if you had said or done things differently.
They Won’t Let You Go
They don’t want to be with you, but they don’t want to be with anyone else, and every time you seem to be slipping away, they will do something to draw you in. This can be utterly soul destroying, especially if it was them that ended the relationship and no-one can blame you for failing to put them behind you when they don’t give you the space to move on. Just try to remember how selfish this is and that if they cared about you at all, they would either be with you or leave you alone.
You Don’t Want To
Being in love with someone you can’t have might feel like your private hell, but sometimes it’s better than feeling nothing at all. Whether unrequited or leftover from a romance gone cold, that love connects you two together and can often be the only way to feel closer to them.
Falling in love is a powerful and life changing experience, and you may be reluctant to lose that depth of feeling, however much it hurts you.
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