You thought he was the one and ignored all the warning signs. Now it seems too late, and you have physical injuries to show for it. How did you escape? How were you able to create a new life and how did you learn from this? It’s dramatic.
It’s hard, as a person who is empathetic and downright human, it’s hard to acknowledge that there are people out there trying to intentionally hurt us. We don’t want to believe that someone would hurt us, so our first defense mechanism is to ignore it.
It may not be smart, but it’s realistic. No one wants to face the facts when it reveals that human nature can be horrible, and not only that, the person you chose to love is awful. You want to believe any excuse even though you know nothing can excuse some of the things that have happened already. You know your friends are right when they tell you your significant other is abusive. You know what they are going to say so you shut them out.
The more that we hide the truth from ourselves, the more damage we will succumb to in the end. So be realistic and honest with yourself. You do not deserve having to go through the trial of determining if your significant other is trying to hurt you.
If you think you’re being abused, you probably are. If it reaches the point of physical harm, get out of there right away. It doesn’t matter what your partner’s reasoning is, get out. Then call the police.
Once you realize you need out and don’t want the police involved, don’t react too quickly it could put yourself in more danger. Tell your parents or close friends and if they are supportive they will most likely help you make a plan. Don’t worry about your physical possessions just physically leave the house. Take whatever you need while the abuser is gone.
Everything you leave behind should be disposable because you have no idea how the news of you leaving will play. If your possessions weren’t destroyed send a team of men to get everything else, don’t ever go back. Don’t speak to him again. End it.
Your safety is more important than anything right now.
This works a bit differently if you are married or have kids or pets. For the kids and pets take them with you and call the police. You need their support to keep everyone safe. For your kids sit them down and explain what’s going on, tell them something bad happened, and leaving is important for their safety to leave. Whether it’s a detailed or vague explanation, it will be appreciated.
If you don’t have kids or a pet, but you are married follow the steps above, get out now and get help. I would still recommend letting the police know, so there is a legal representation of the incident for later use. I know it’s hard, you will feel doubt in your mind, you will feel like you’re overreacting, you’re not. Do not let anyone tell you that you deserve the abuse. Don’t let anyone tell you it wasn’t that bad.
Getting into this sort of relationship was not your fault, you trusted someone, and they betrayed you and your kindness. This is not in any way your fault, it doesn’t matter if you asked this person out first, it’s still not your fault. Remember, no matter how deep you get, you will always be able to find someone who will help. Even if it’s a co-worker or neighbor, all decent people are vehemently against physical abuse.
If all else fails to go to the police, trust me you will be safe there.
I personally grabbed what was important to me and had my mom waiting in the car outside, then she grabbed all of my clothes and other necessities, tossed it into the car, and we drove off. He was in class at the time and by the time he got home, all that was left was my dirty laundry and furniture.
I had my uncles go to the house that weekend and gather all of my furniture; I did not go with them. That was the end. It will be a tough time in your life but in the end, your life will be so much better. Stay safe, my friend.
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Featured Image Courtesy: Flickr via Hernán Piñera (www.flickr.com/photos/hernanpc/)
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