Well, yes, it is true. I still love you.
How can I not? For years, I had allowed a part of my everyday life just to know how your day went. I was always exhausted, juggling three jobs and strict deadlines to follow at a time.
My sweetest rewards were the end of each day as we laughed about how your boss made you the photographer of her OOTDs, how your clients made us the bargain hub of their lives and how our paychecks could only take us to Mister Kanor’s panciteria.
“Everything became the lightest just because you called or I called.”
My mom did not want me to be in a relationship while studying. That was why I was yours, but unofficially, but had been still yours for years.
How could I not feel so beautiful?
Between those years, I started to appreciate my chubby cheeks, big lips, flat nose, and even my blackheads and whiteheads. I used to be insecure about those, but one day, I looked in the mirror and realized someone loved me in spite of what I thought were flaws.
“You were my constant teammate in making me sincerely believe and feel that I am gorgeous.”
You once said that my happiness means everything to you. That was why you were always there with me on my birthdays, Christmas, New Years and whenever I progressed in my life. When my best friend (my grandma) passed away, and when I couldn’t feel the Christmas spirit, you made sure that I would always have your company to giggle with and a shoulder to cry on.
My dreams always had you in them. I would daydream that we would travel the world together, be bloated together, try new things together and just come home to each other.
But I never got a chance to see all this in real. Things changed, you changed, and you got distant. You stopped calling, and I started to sense you had no more feelings for me.
And then it happened, we had no contact, and there was no closure.
“And sometime later, instead of my dreams, my fear became a reality.”
I visited your Instagram feed, and there she was.
I watched that video where she danced with you. I’m sure she won’t step on your foot. I saw that photo of her, painting the cutest and coolest doodles on your face, I’m sure she won’t make you look bad. I also watched your Instagram story where you were hugging her with that wide smile, I’m sure, she won’t make you feel suffocated.
“But in case you are wondering and reading this, I am fine.”
I now have new stories, new memories, and a new life. I met you when I was young, full of self- doubt and continuously needing to be validated.
But you contributed a lot to my present self. I will always remember you. I don’t love you romantically anymore, that train has long passed, but I do sincerely love you in the sense of making me strong, making me realize that no matter how close you get to someone, they will always tend to break you, just because they want to.
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About the Author: Mary Antonette Ramos, or “Antonette” for short, lives by making her ideas come to life. When she just wants to play, read, watch movies, dine out, she goes to the places where beauty exists. Yes, she is an avid fan of everything serene and breathtaking. Follow Antonette on Instagram!
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