Love & Relationships

Just Because Your Ex Was an A**, Doesn’t Mean You Should Think of Me the Same Way

Just because your last relationship ended in pieces, doesn’t mean what we have will – and please, don’t compare me to someone else, because I am my own person.

When I came into your life, I was already whole. When we met, I knew who I was and what I wanted – and I never doubted your intentions.

Our paths crossed because we were meant to meet each other. We continued to bump into one another because we both were ready to see where this relationship could lead. So, when we committed to giving this relationship a shot, I expected we both give it our all.

When your ex-girlfriend complained about your work habits, kept secrets on her phone, or stayed out late without calling you, that doesn’t mean that I will do the same.

Just because she was searching for something outside of the relationship, doesn’t mean that your future will always have the same ending.

When we met and developed our relationship, it was green and new; everything was exciting. Our conversations flowed smoothly, and laughter was endless. When the workday was coming to a close, I would get so excited with anticipation about getting to see you – and I know you felt this way too.

Don’t allow yourself to dwell on the past and the “mistakes” you thought you made. Maybe you regret not ending things with your ex-girlfriend sooner. Perhaps you are disappointed that you can dole out advice to everyone else, yet seldom seem to follow it yourself.

Perhaps giving someone so much of yourself and allowing them to manipulate you makes you feel icky inside – I get it. I’ve been there too.

But those “mistakes” you thought you made, those aren’t mistakes at all, those are merely lessons that you’ve learned. Subjects and topics that you’ve had to take just like you did when you were a kid in school.

All those choices and decisions helped shape you into someone you can be proud of. All those lessons paved the road that led you to me.

Both of us have our past. We have our trials, our ups, and downs. We have just as many victories and successes as we do failures and mishaps. These incidents are what help make us into the dynamic people that we are. None of this defines us, just like your ex shouldn’t identify you.

Don’t allow the feelings of guilt, jealousy, or mistrust to own you. Don’t let a small thought to creep into your head and consume your mind. When you feel this way, come to me. Talk to me. Don’t revert to your old ways of shutting down.

Because once you start to allow those feelings to devour your thoughts and ransack your mind, you will change.

Instead of the person, I met way back when you will become cold and resentful. When you allow those feelings to overpower your own will, you will become just like her.

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Instead of laughing over happy hour cocktails and sharing our dreams of the future, we will become distant. You will become jealous, which will force me to become aloof. We will just be shells of ourselves in our old relationship, cycling through the same past problems that we’ve already encountered.

It’s okay to have slipups, but you have to own them.

When you were a kid in school and didn’t understand a topic, you worked hard to master it – maybe you did some extra credit or stayed after school for lessons. You did whatever it took so that you wouldn’t be held back at the end of that year. You didn’t want to go through the same grade that you just completed, mainly because all of your friends were moving on.

Our relationship is just like that. If you’re struggling with feelings of doubt or jealousy, come to me for help. Just like a teacher can assign extra credit, I can help work through these feelings with you. We can do it together.

If you hold onto these feelings and harbor them in your mind, you will never master the lesson that is meant to be learned. Instead, you will succumb to the emotion, and that will prevent you from growing. And just like when you were in school, you will be held back a grade, while everyone else, including me, moves forward.

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About the Author: Madalyn is a Florida-born girl who has spent the last four years working and basking in the Caribbean sun. Even though she grew up dancing professionally, she is often called a “bull in a china shop” for her clumsy ways. A true lover of the outdoors and new places, Madalyn is always up for an adventure. She has a vast taste for different types of music, often getting caught dancing wherever she is. Writing has always been a passion for Madalyn, and she’s made it her personal life mission to spread the love through words by detailing the eccentricities, from the unconventional to the mundane, of a 20-something just trying to figure out this life, one adventure at a time.

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