Every parent has high hopes that their children will not make the same mistakes as they did, but sometimes children like to be just like their parents and end up taking the same path. As a mother, I often fear that my daughter would make some of the poor decisions I had like my daughter lost her virginity.
So, imagine my confusion (and slight disappointment) when my daughter casually hinted that she lost her virginity.
This topic is not one that is often talked about among parents, so I thought it might be a good opportunity to share what went through my head the first time my daughter lost her virginity.
Honestly, when my daughter hinted that she was no longer a virgin, my first thought was that there was no way she could have done something like that.
My baby, my little girl is not old enough to be partaking in activities that are so grown up. I never believed my mom when she said that she still sees me as a child until my daughter grew up right in front of my eyes.
My baby was no longer a baby, and I just could not process that information.
As a mother, I had hoped that my daughter would have waited for something this important until she is married (or at least older).
Should I tell her this? Would it do more harm than good to talk about my disappointment? Should I be disappointed?
My mind started swirling a bit through my disappointment because I was not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, it is her body, but I am her mother, so can I tell her what my daughter lost her virginity was wrong?
As a mother you want your daughter to have a boyfriend that loves and adores her, and honestly, my daughter’s boyfriend does just that.
But for some reason finding out that he took her virginity bothered me. As a mom, it was hard for me to believe that this sweet young man would do such a thing with my daughter and that my daughter would be okay with that.
Once I got over the initial shock of her hinting at having sex, I started to realize that above and beyond her mental health, I should be concerned about her physical health.
I know my daughter is smart, so she would have use protection right? Oh Lord, please tell me she used protection. Can I ask her if she used protection? I can ask her that right whether my daughter lost her virginity or not?
This one is similar to the above question, but I started to question myself about how much I talked to her about sex.
Did she know what to expect? Did she have any concerns? Did I do a good job educating her beyond what she learned at school?
These questions made me realize that I possibly could have dropped the ball in this area even though we had talked about sex on more than one occasion.
Of course, besides the worry of STDs, my other biggest concern is whether or not she is risking pregnancy by having sex. My daughter has big dreams for her life.
Should I let her know that maybe we should look at getting her on birth control? Or was this the only time she had sex, and she is going to put it off for a while? I honestly did not know what to ask her about this subject.
As a parent, there is always a battle of being too much of a parent and too much of a friend. I wanted to ask my daughter a bunch of questions about her first time, but I was not sure what would be appropriate to ask her beyond the whole, “did you use protection” area.
And, if I am honest with myself, did I want to know what her experience was like? I do not know if I do.
Parenting is difficult. We want certain things from our children, and when they deviate from those expectations, we must find a way to show them we love them no matter what.
Having a daughter losing their virginity is very confusing and overwhelming, and the best thing we can do is to take a deep breath and keep pushing forward.
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