Late nights, dirty diapers, and screaming children can take a serious toll not just on your sanity but your love life as well. Where there was once just the two of you, now there are three, four, five, or more and the transition into parenthood isn’t always the smoothest.
I get it; there will days when you are so touched out by your children all you want is a nice long bath and a few minutes of silence. There may be days when your kids take turns being sick and you haven’t had a decent nights sleep in weeks. Despite all the “joys” of parenting, you can keep the romance alive. You just have to make it a priority.
That’s right, you have to be intentional about keeping that spark alive. Sure the romance may no longer be as spontaneous as when you were alone, because hey there are little eyes and ears watching your every move, but romance is romance whether spontaneous or planned.
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Keep in mind that it won’t kill those “little witnesses” to see you and your partner show public displays of affection. The good old PDA. So hold hands, kiss, dance, and hug in front of the kiddos. Make your love for each other obvious, and leave no space for doubt in your kid’s minds.
Undivided Attention: You Need Each Other
Make it your priority to give each other undivided attention. You don’t have to plan a fancy date or even pay a babysitter. You can simply pull out that secret stash of candy and enjoy it together while the kids are in bed. Anything that helps you reconnect as husband and wife rather than just mom and dad will keep fanning the flames of love.
If you don’t prioritize your time for each other, other activities will crowd in and demand your attention. Be honest, it’s easy to find an excuse with toddlers around. While it is hard, it is necessary to put your partner as a priority over your kids.
I know that sounds harsh but hear me out. It is healthy for your kids to see you completely devoted to their parent. In a world where 50% of marriages fall apart, your kids will feel security and safety when they see your love for each other.
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So stop catering to their want’s 24/7 and make your mate a priority. When the two of you build a happy home together and are happy with each other, the positivity will enable you to not only be better lovers but better parents as well.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Setting boundaries as your children grow is a great way to enhance your relationship. They will teach your children to respect “mommy/daddy time”. You can teach them to wait their turn before interrupting a conversation, keep their toys out of your bedroom, respect closed doors, and more.
Keep the Bedroom Active
Don’t scale back on sex now that you have kids. Practice a firm bedtime routine so that you and your mate can have time for intimacy together. The scientific benefits of sex alone are worth it. It is natural to feel a change in your sex drive after having children. Daily parenting, breastfeeding, childbirth, postpartum, lack of sleep and many other factors can affect your mood.
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Try to work through these changes and find a new normal that works for you and your spouse. While having sex is trickier with kids around, it is just as vital as it was before their arrival. A thriving marriage has a thriving sex life.
So communicate with your spouse honestly and work out a plan that satisfies each of you. Schedule in time for a nap, or a shower, a massage, or whatever it is that makes you feel great and sexy and go for it! Running short on time? A few quickies are one way to stay connected.
“This Too Shall Pass”
Keep in mind that before you know it, that precious baby will be five, ten or twenty, and gone before you even know it. Soon, this child-rearing period will pass and you and your mate will be on your own once again. So keep the magic alive now and watch it sustain you in the many years of romance to come.
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