In your twenties you enjoy going out to clubs, on impromptu getaways with friends and having the freedom to date as much as you want to.
Eventually you start looking around and friends are pairing off and settling down.
But what are they settling for? Are they marrying their ultimate choice or Mr. or Ms. Good Enough? We all have a dream spouse in our heads – attractive, great job making lots of money, funny, intelligent but sometimes all the qualities we want are not present in the person we end up marrying.
So why settle?
There are several reasons why we might end up marrying our second choice, such as, the dating scene gets old or boring, your biological clock is ticking really loud, or maybe you just have low self esteem; perhaps a pregnancy occurs, or loneliness takes hold.
Now any or all of these reasons might be enough for you to justify settling, but, will your heart be in it for the long run? Or should you take your chances and wait to see if someone better comes along?
Odds of finding the completely right person for you is a gamble.
It may take time to discover that the one you thought was the ‘one’ has different values or beliefs from you or some of the most annoying habits that you would rather live without.
But what is the alternative? Staying alone forever?
Most people prefer human companionship and will choose something over nothing. Consensus seems to be that you need to date a variety of people in order to discover what you really want from a spouse and only a lucky few find the right person right out of the gate.
Second best might actually be better for you in the long term so that you can relax and just be yourself because if you expect the best, then what is your mate going to be looking for?
If your spouse can’t live up to your expectations what makes you think you can live up to theirs?
Perhaps we all need to just do our best to find someone who we can have fun with, is trustworthy and reliable, shares most of our beliefs and values so we can raise a family.
Movies, books and other forms of media like to project that there is a prince charming for every girl and the ultimate girl-next-door for every guy but even though we would all like to believe in the fairy tale, it just isn’t reality.
The multitude of dating websites with their formulas for finding the perfect mate also give us the illusion that they can find the right person for you if you can’t do it yourself.
Does any of this really answer the original question of why we only settle for second best in marriage? It offers many reasons why we might choose the mate we do, but ultimately only you can decide if second best is best for you.