It is human nature to seek things that are unobtainable. This primarily is a human trait that makes you think to yourself that there is more for you to have.
Well, first off, you’re not alone. It’s human nature to want the very thing that you think you can’t have.
In fact, we’re wired to want things that we believe are “too good” for us.
There’s a reason almost every romantic movie you watch has a dynamic that centers around one person being attracted to another person who they believe is “out of their league.”
And it has a lot to do with us believing that love and attraction are the same as being fascinated by someone.
This is why humans tend to show disinterest in those who are incredibly interested in them. It’s something that goes against the human nature of wanting the very things we know we cannot have.
We’ve grown to associate the thrilling ups and disheartening downs of chasing someone’s affection with having something worth fighting for because we need to feel that there’s something worth fighting for before we believe we want to invest in it.
Those who are seemingly out of reach or unavailable have high value in this regard. Speaking from a biological standpoint, it makes sense that we seek out those who we think are better than us.
That’s the point of reproducing: to create a better offspring. Humans have evolved to naturally prefer people who are healthy and strong, but also who are emotionally mature enough to be nurturing, protective and loyal.
So, why then do we feel uninterested in the partners who see this “betterness” in us? The answer lies in the depths of our being.
On an intense level, there’s a small part of each one of us that believes we are not worthy of being loved. It is this insecurity that makes you place a lesser value on yourself.
So, when a person desires this lesser value, we naturally place a lower value on them.
The natural train of thought eventually concludes “there must be something wrong with you for liking someone like me.”
We do not live comfortably with this mindset. We live comfortably in “the chase” of someone else, or in the complete rejection and heartbreak by someone else.
That is where we feel most at home. For whatever reason, we’d instead seek out rejection than have affection from a lesser-valued person.
As we can see, the natural inclination to avoid those who are interested in you happens for two main reasons: the need to better our offspring by partnering with someone who is “better,” and our insecurities about how worthy we are of love.
The even bigger question now is: how can we use this understanding to better our lives and well-being? Having learned this, how many of us will start to give others a chance instead of rejection?
How many of us will strive to overcome insecurities for a chance at happiness?
The ego is a hard thing to overcome, but if we can, we open ourselves up to a whole new realm of thinking.