Relationships are fragile buildings standing on pillars, one blow to which may shatter the whole building. In other words a relationship can be taken as a cuisine.
One missing ingredient and the food won’t taste the same. So, what are these pillars that keep this building in place and this food tasting its best?
When you search the term relationship in a dictionary it says, it is the way in which two or more people are connected and the way in which people behave with each other.
And when you think of the most important things that helps keep people connected to one another is Communication. One needs to be able to express themselves to the other person no matter what the situation, in the best way possible.
Lack of communication leads to assumptions, and becomes a major reason of what destroys a relationship. A person might assume the other person is feeling a particular way because of him or her.
And this might not be the case. It might just be sickness or the person is just feeling blue. But lack of communication will make him person feel guilty of it.
Being able to talk it out is very important. Before getting into a relationship it is important to set rules of communication such as making sure of letting the other person know how you feel, what you feel and why you feel that way.
Trust is perhaps one of the most important ingredients in this recipe. This does not only apply to a relationship between a husband and wife but any relationship whether it is a mother and her child, or a boss and his employee.
Lack of trust can lead to a number of issues that changes how a person sees the other. A wife who does not trust her husband will always be checking on him in hopes of catching him red handed.
Similarly a boss who does not trust his employee will think twice before handing over an important job to him.
Compassion is the next ingredient that keeps a relationship in one piece. Caring and understanding the others needs, requires a good amount of compassion.
One who is cold hearted with no emotional attachment to the other will slowly but surely ruin the building created. There has to be a certain level of compassion. This also helps forgiving the others mistakes.
A Positive Mindset is also an aspect that needs to be highlighted. Not many people talk about how positivity help build a stronger relationship.
A person with positive mindset will always look towards the brighter side and will be able to come out of dark times more efficiently.
Someone who always tends to slide towards negativity will be finding the wrong in everything. With such a person keeping the building of the relationship strongly standing might be difficult.
For example this person might make a big deal out of a morning bus missed and might spend the rest of the day sulking about it.
Where on the other hand a positive person might not even mention the bus missed when they come home from work and will share the good things that have happened throughout.
Being unable to understand the other person’s needs and behaviors is also another aspect that leads to relationships being ruined.
The more you put yourself in the other person’s shoes in a relationship, the more you find out what hardships the other person is facing.
You might just want food right away but once you put yourself in the wife’s shoes you find out that she has been up all day taking care of the kids and might not have been able to cook.
Similarly a wife might want her husband to come home from work and help with the kids right away but once she puts herself in the others shoes she finds out he has been at work since the morning and then might have been stuck in crazy traffic and might not be able to take care of the kids as soon as he comes home.
It will also ruin a relationship. It is also very closely connected to trust. An inversely proportional relation is seen where the more dishonesty will lead to lower trust. Once you lie to the other the level of trust will never rise in the same way.
This is also a big blow to the building that was created by the people in a relationship. If two people who are de-motivated and do not long to be in a relation will never be able to give this building the support it requires to stay intact.
It will eventually come down. Any relationship requires the people in it to be motivated for example a man working for his boss who comes to work each day feeling de-motivated or as if he wants to run back home will never be able to fulfill the requirements of keeping his relation with his boss in good shape. He will find himself being unable to follow his order, and do the required deeds.
When these little blows to the building happen one after the other, it has no choice but to shatter bringing apart the hard work of many years done by these members to keep it intact.
The best way of keeping your relationship alive and distancing yourself from things that destroy your relationship is to set rules that all the members decide upon together.
It may be a work related relationship, it may be a teachers’ relationship with her students or it may be a husband and wife relationship. It is always better to set boundaries that should not be crossed.
For example it may be a rule for each member to try and put them in the others’ shoes so they understand their situation, or it can be a rule to always be honest when talking to each other so the level of trust stays in place.
Even though it is tough, little effort and mindfulness will always help in a relationship.
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