There are a lot of people who have lost their parents at an early age and may not usually have the ability to explain how devastating and how painful it is going to be.
A friend’s father died suddenly and it was just a few days after father’s day.
She has always harbored some ill feelings towards her father for various reasons. The biggest reason probably is the fact that she’s a lesbian and her father has never accepted it. She has always done her part as a dutiful daughter as she loves her family greatly even though they can never accept her for who she is.
The money that she earns are given to her family so that she can show her gratefulness for the hard work that her parents did for her when she was still studying.
She had money issues in college and she thought that she would never get to study again but her parents were able to get by. She continued studying in a good school and graduated with honors. She has done her duty as a daughter and in a lot of ways, she has always wanted her dad and her mom to be proud of her.
When her father suddenly got up and collapsed, she though that it is because of her father’s blood pressure. Her father has always suffered from different health conditions probably because of being overweight. She never thought that the moment her father fell on the floor, he would never open his eyes again.
She has never contemplated how it would be like to live without a father because like many others, she thought that she would have her father for a long time. They have tried to bring her father to the hospital but the hospital declared that her father is DOA.
It was so sudden, so abrupt that she did not know how to feel about it in the beginning. She was trying to ingest it all but all she could think about is how it isn’t true. She never thought that it would happen to her.
Perhaps the reason why it was so excruciating for her is because she has seen her father when he suddenly dropped down on the floor and although she did feel a bit of panic, she never thought that she would never see her father’s goofy face again as she photographs him.
She has always loved photography and her father is one of her favorite subjects.
She has told me, as her friend that her father’s dying is so abrupt that she never even got a chance to say goodbye. There are some parents who die because of diseases. Day in and day out, the daughters and sons hope that their parents could last another year, another month, another week or even another day.
A lot of sons and daughters wish that their parents would make it to other holidays simply because they do not want to face a holiday without their parents available.
It does not matter what parents die of. The main focus is actually the feelings of those that they leave behind. It is rare that children will have too much ill feelings for their parents that they would actually be glad when their parents die. When parents die, a part of their children die too.
Children cannot help but wish that they can go back to days when life was not so difficult and so painful to live.
When a parent dies, it can make any person become selfish. You can become selfish. You pray for the things that you know might never be granted. You wish for another day with your parent even though you know that your parent is suffering. When you have to do something that will require you to go not see the parent for a while, you are anxious because something bad may happen while you are not there.
You learn to question everything and become mad at everything simply because you cannot go back to how things used to be.
The trivial things that any person used to enjoy such as watching the latest episodes of a favorite reality show or sipping on wine will not seem important anymore. The person cannot help but wonder how can he/she continue living when the parent goes away for good.
At the same time, any person would try to push down all of the negative feelings because the person knows that the parent does not want to see any of his/her children crying or sad because of the whole ordeal.
When a parent dies, there are no rules. There is no undo button that can change how certain decisions were made. Even if friends would be there during the hardest times, they will never understand the sadness, the pain and the grief that any person feels because of losing a parent.
Children are usually pushed to their limits.
They are forced to accept things even when they are not ready yet. They have to be strong for the sake of other people who may be leaning on them for support.
A person usually has a sudden realization about how all men die. He/she starts to wonder how it would be like when it is his/her turn to die. The person then begins to fear for those whom he/she is going to leave behind. If you are that person someday, you have to realize that you need to exemplify strength especially if you already have your own children at that time.
You have to show them that you do not fear death even if you are beyond terrified. You need to show them that you are calm so that they can also accept your death more.
You should remember that the friends you are with may sometimes say things that are meant to give you solace but will only give you grief. Yet, you have no choice but to forgive them because in reality, they mean well. They will give you food so you do not have to cook for a long time. In fact, when a parent dies, you do not know how you are going to cook again because you would always be lost in thought.
When a parent dies, you cannot help but reminisce about the happy moments that you have had with your parent. You will always remember how your parents have helped you excel in school and how they have made your bad day better because of their love and care.
You would realize that the earthly bodies of your parents that you have loved with your heart and soul are going to die and you cannot do anything about it anymore.
You will realize that in the end, parents would still do everything for their children. Whether they die suddenly or because of a disease, they will still do what they think is best for the ones they will leave behind.
You will hold the hands of your parents for the last time and you will let go for the last time though you were unprepared, though you were not ready because you will realize that this is what’s best for your parents.
You are trying your best to live a life without one or both of your parents and probably, it is not bound to get easier anytime soon. Yet, you will still continue to be strong. You will continue to live because this is what your parents expect from you.
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