You’ve just gone through a painful split, and all you want to do is forget your ex ever existed. Annoyingly though, you can’t just flip a switch and turn off your feelings, and even though you know it’s best you ended, you’re still hurting.
The heart and head don’t always travel at the same speed when it comes to getting over a break-up, and however the relationship ended, there will be a grieving period. While it’s not possible to completely switch off your feelings, there are ways you can ensure you don’t spend too much time wallowing over your ex.
If you stick to all these things, you might not be over them completely in two weeks, but you will definitely be closer to moving on than if you don’t do them – you might be surprised at how quickly you move on.
1. Accept it’s over
This can often prolong heartache and lead people to spend weeks, months if not years hoping that they could possibly get back together with their former flame. It might take some brutal honesty, but accept right now they don’t want to be with you and a relationship isn’t going to happen. After a break-up, it can be the belief that they still like you that stops you getting over your ex, but face the fact if they wanted to be with you – they would be and right now all your doing is wasting your own time.
2. Don’t stalk them on social media
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This is a hard one. Your accounts – until recently – were almost like one and resisting the urge to check their Facebook, Instagram and SnapChat can be near impossible. When you break up you’re craving that connection with a person and social media is the perfect way to get that fix without contacting them. Be tough with yourself though. Delete them, block them, block friends who might be included in posts with them and basically scrub your social media clean of them, until seeing them check-in somewhere doesn’t send you into emotional turmoil. It also means you can’t monitor what they’re getting up to and get upset if you think they’re either having fun or moving on.
3. No, you don’t have things they need to hear
There’s always “one more thing” to say, but tell your friends, tell yourself or tell a colleague – anyone but them. There are so many things we wish we had said, or we might want an explanation for but contacting your ex to “talk” rarely actually helps. Consider if you genuinely have something you need to get off your chest to move on, or whether you’re doing it just to see them or hope they might want you back. If it’s any of the last two, don’t bother, you’re just torturing yourself. Accept you’ve seen them for the last time and focus on your future – without them.
4. Distract yourself
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Break-ups are the perfect time to spoil yourself. Spend time with friends, take up a hobby, learn to cook, go shopping, plan a trip. Fill your time with something to focus on that isn’t them, your split, or worrying about the future.
5. Believe you’ll get over this
People are resilient and can get over even the most monstrous of experiences. Break-ups happen all the time, you just have to remember that one day they won’t be the first person you think of when you wake up.
6. Makes changes
Whether it’s moving your room around, a new haircut or a new hobby – making a change or starting something new is the perfect way to begin this new chapter of your life. It also means that at least there’s something that won’t remind you of them.
7. Keep your mind busy
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Moments in the day when you’re left free can quickly cause your mind to wander and suddenly you’re spiraling into despair. Arm yourself with a happy, upbeat playlist for when you’re on the go; Text friends an ‘SOS’ and tell them you need a booster; Or start a new book you can have with you always that you can dive into.
8. Have a plan for bedtime
Even after all the distractions in the day, just before you fall asleep can be the time you miss the most and you need to be ready for it. Try herbal tea to create a calm and relaxed atmosphere, meditation tapes or even soothing music. Try to combat those little thoughts that creep into your mind by creating a happy place in your mind. It could be a location like imagining yourself on a desert island, or focusing on future plans like a holiday, a promotion at work or just something fun you want to do with friends. Fill your mind with positive things and keep those other thoughts locked out.
9. Remember you’re the best
We can often become unnecessarily critical during a break-up, but try to laugh at yourself. Break-ups don’t have to be a moment to get super reflective about what kind of person you are. Relationships end, that’s life. You just need to remember that you’re amazing and nothing else really matters.
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