Why Was I ‘Fearfully Uncertain’ to Give Birth to My Second Child?

I am pregnant. . . Again!

My husband and I are so excited because we wanted another baby, and we are not getting any younger. At the time I am writing this, I am five months pregnant, and it has been such a different experience than my first. I thought after my first being a boy, I was having a girl, but this is not the case.

Yes, we are having another boy, and I am excited about this. The way I see it, they can wrestle.

But I want to take a moment to record the different responses I had to while discovering my second pregnancy compared to my first, because I was not anticipating such a dramatic change, and I have a feeling, although it is a touchy subject, others can relate.

For starters, after finding out I was pregnant with my first, I took seven pregnancy tests! Yes, seven, then I went to get a blood test the next day.

I think the nurse thought I was crazy.

This time around I took two pregnancy tests, so this was a little less fanatical. And blood test, who has time for that when you are chasing a two-year-old?

I called my doctor and set up an appointment that would not take place for another month or so.  The wait did not bother me, for I had little time to think about it.

The feelings I felt when I found out I was pregnant with my second were very juxtaposed to that of my first pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I was happy but flooded with uncertainty and disbelief. I had nothing to compare it to, and the truth is, I had no clue how a child was going to change my life.

I guess the right way to describe the way I felt after finding out I was pregnant with my first was – excitedly naive.

In some ways, I feel that I was more unprepared for the personal response I felt after finding out I was pregnant with my second child: fearfully uncertain.

This sounds a bit harsh, but this was the feeling, and I did not anticipate it.

With my second pregnancy, I had a very different life.

I had more responsibilities, more juggling acts, more stress, more knowledge of what was to come. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was still happy, but I was also terrified, and I had to reassure myself that I would be able to handle not only one, but two young children.

What got me past this was when I changed the question I was asking myself from, how will you handle two children?

To an actual statement: You will handle two children.

This shift in my mind gave me air because I accepted that the first question was unrealistic, and the format shouldn’t have been in the form of a problem at all.

I was going to be a mother of two young children, and this wasn’t up for discussion. It was fact, and I would figure it out because it wasn’t a choice.

I am not sure how this thought seems to an outsider, and I am working on not trying to care so much about the judgments and opinions of others, but this resets my mind to where it needed to be.

This worked FOR ME.

I am currently five months pregnant and ecstatic to complete our family. I have had time to process and be grateful for how blessed I am for having this growing family. I have learned that it is essential to acknowledge and not cover up thoughts that may be even slightly controversial. Being true to yourself is crucial.

I have no regrets, and I know this second child will complete our family, but just like the first, it will be a challenge. It will be the most rewarding, frustrating, ecstatic, unsure, loving challenge I will ever face.

It is a challenge I have a little more insight into than I did before. I am currently setting up baby room #2.

I am ready.

About the Author: Amanda Clark resides with her family in Ocala, Florida. In addition to contributing works for Peace Quarters, she also creates educational content for Atlas Mission. She is recently transitioning from a full-time middle school English teacher to a stay-at-home mom, tutor, transcriber, and writer. She has written four books of poetry: Looking at the Moon, Beautifully Mixed-Up World, Flying Fall, and Through the Blinds. She loves technology, juggling pins, and playing with her two-year-old son who will become a big brother in February. She also is a pro at multitasking.

Author

Amanda Clark

Amanda Clark resides with her family in Ocala, Florida. In addition to contributing works for Peace Quarters, she also creates educational content for Atlas Mission. She is recently transitioning from a full-time middle school English teacher to a stay-at-home mom, tutor, transcriber, and writer. She has written four books of poetry: Looking at the Moon, Beautifully Mixed-Up World, Flying Fall, and Through the Blinds. She loves technology, juggling pins, and playing with her two-year-old son who will become a big brother in February. She also is a pro at multitasking.

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