No one starts a relationship and expects it to fall apart. Most of us are attracted to individuals because we see potential in them as long term partners and soulmates. The last thing anyone thinks about or looks for is a reason to break up.
When you start a relationship knowing the reasons why couples usually break up, you increase your chances of building a happy, healthy, long-term life together.
Moreover, if you know the common reasons of breakups, then it can help you heal a broken heart, whether it’s your own or someone close to you. Fredrich Nietzsche said “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages”.
In the beginning of every relationship, everything is more or less perfect. We tend to idealize our partners, overlook imperfections and let problems slide by.
We keep our eyes half-shut and even ignore huge personality clashes and different beliefs, values and morals. This is known as the honeymoon phase during which the last thing one thinks about is how to a breakup.
Below are the 10 most common reasons that cause couples to break up. Not every reason automatically results in a breakup, but a combination of two or more problems might hint a relationship failure.
Reason 1: Violation of trust
Break of trust, let it be over broken promises, lying, cheating, stealing or whatever reason almost always results in relationship problems, and is an obvious cause of a relationship fails.
If the basic trust in any relationship, not just romantic, is repeatedly broken, problems pile up and the motivation to stay together falls down.
Couples in love can learn to reconcile their differences and build strong faith in each other and avoid anything that might halt it.
Reason 2: An imbalance of power
Couples are at risk of break up when one person has more decision-making power whether real of perceived than the other.
A relationship isn’t balanced or loving, and night become unstable when one partner makes all the decisions about activities, financial or household matters, family, friends or vacations.
Both partners should equally share the power to make decisions or stay in control of certain aspects accordingly.
Reason 3: Acceptance of stereotypical relationships
In the past this used to be a very common reason why couples broke up, but it exists today as well! Mistaken gender myths and beliefs for instance, men should pay all the bills or women should stay home and raise kids, etc. become reasons for even marriage failures.
If any of the partner believes these stereotypes, they create false expectations regarding their partner which can lead to splitting up.
For example, according to relationship stereotypes, women are to prioritize work over family and hence should be home before her husband returns from work and have dinner ready.
The truth is that whoever gets free early can cook dinner or wait for the other one.
Reason 4: Isolation and cocooning
This reason of breakup is because of fear and insecurity. New couples tend to isolate themselves from others because they’re in love and want to spend more time together.
Although a brief period of cocooning is healthy and normal for many, but isolating yourself from the world is really disturbing.
You become way to dependent on your partner and find it depressing when they’re not around and you can’t even share your feelings with close friends or family.
Reason 5: Lack of self-knowledge
When you aren’t in tune with your own interests, needs, desires, preferences, values, plans or goals, then it’s difficult for you to build a healthy romantic relationship or marriage.
Self-knowledge helps us to communicate who we are to our partners and what we want in a relationship, or in future life. Clash of career opportunities or priorities later in life causes many couples to split up.
Reason 6: Mental state
Couples might breakup when one partner feels unworthy of being loved. Low self-esteem, insecurity, or lack of self-confidence can lead to possessiveness and dependence on our partner, which isn’t healthy for either one in the relationship.
If your partner goes through this, it’s your responsibility to boost their self esteem and make sure they feel loved and appreciated by you.
Reason 7: Extreme jealousy
Jealousy is cited as the most frequent reason of breakups of couples in relationship. Delusional jealousy is less common than normal jealousy, but both can result in serious relationship problems.
Delusional jealousy may trigger abuse and violence, which is another reason given below for couples to fall apart.
Reason 8: Lack of or Ineffective communication
Both individuals in a relationship should be able to share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, desires, frustrations, and joys with each other without feeling awkward or shy.
Sometimes people avoid speaking bluntly and hide their true self, which may cause confusions and conflicts between one another.
Also, after a fight couples tend to avoid communication and instead of talking to their partners they complain to others which further strains the relationship.
Reason 9: Control issues
Obsessive behavior is an element of an unhealthy and toxic relationships. When one partner tries to control or manipulate the other, the bond becomes weak and destructive.
Such behavior includes checking each other’s phones, name calling, threatening, demanding passwords, keeping tabs, or being angry over not being informed of every activity.
Reason 10: Unhealthy or abusive physical behavior
A surprisingly high number of men and women stay in abusive relationships. Physical, intimate, or even emotional abuse in a relationship is toxic and confusing.
You may not understand you’re treating each other the way you do and may want the relationship to be over but are afraid of moving on without each other which binds you together in a loop of fights and abuse.