In a co-dependent relationship, there is one partner that depends on the other for validation and looks for their value in that other person. Unfortunately, most co-dependent relationships involve one person that is looking to the other for value while the other person is a narcissist who only cares about meeting their own needs and uses their co-dependent partner to meet those needs.
A narcissist appears to be a devoted, romantic partner, all the while manipulating the emotions of their partner. One of the easiest ways that they can successfully manipulate their partner is by using the words “I love you.” This is something that the co-dependent partner desperately wants to hear and needs to hear to feel validated, but what does the narcissist mean by that?
“I love that you love me.”
A narcissist is only capable of loving themselves, and so they love to be worshiped and loved by others. One of the things they mean when they say “I love you” is that they love that the other person is loving them and that their co-dependent partner is making them the focus of their life because that means that the narcissist can continue to focus on their own life, too.
“I love that I have power over you.”
If there’s one thing besides themselves that a narcissist loves, it’s having power over another person. They use that power to take full advantage of the positive qualities in their partner while verbally and emotionally tearing them down. When they’ve stripped someone of their dignity, that person becomes even more desperate to be validated by the narcissist who keeps them even more trapped in the relationship.
“I love that you’ll do anything for me, but I don’t have to do anything for you.”
Something else that a narcissist is an expert at is lowering their partner’s expectations of them while raising the expectations of their partner. They avoid giving their partners the chance to bring up any issues that are bothering them which allows them to avoid being given hopes. In turn, they invariably bring up their partner’s weaknesses and their own needs so that they will be met.
“I love that I can keep your attention on my pain and off yours.”
While this type of narcissist can see the pain that their co-dependent partner is experiencing, they don’t care about that pain and instead work hard to make sure that their partner continues to focus 100% on them. One of the ways they do this is by acting as though they lack self-esteem and claiming that they are not loved, appreciated, or respected enough.
“I love that you make me look good.”
Narcissists strive to appear better than everyone else around them, and one of the ways they can do that is by having someone at their side, someone attractive that worships them. They don’t think of their co-dependent partner as a human being with feelings of their own, but as an object, something they can own that increases their status the same way a nice car or house would.
Anyone who may be in a relationship with a narcissist needs to get out as soon as possible because it is not a healthy environment to be in. Unfortunately, the longer they stay, the harder it is to get out because of the way the narcissist works to keep them trapped and weak. For that reason, someone looking to get out of a relationship with a narcissist will need help from family and friends, and possibly even law enforcement.
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About The Author: Originally from Michigan, Melody now enjoys working as a freelance writer from her home in Nicaragua, which she shares with her amazing husband and their crazy cat that was raised on goat’s milk from the time her mother abandoned her at just ten days old. They’re excited to be expecting their first baby, who they thought was a girl, were told was a boy, and then was told was a girl. She also recently finished her first novel and is working on making a cat coloring book.
