It’s no secret that motherhood changes a person, and those who have been moms for longer inevitably are improved even more. It also gets worse with the more children a woman has. Here are some ways to recognize a woman that’s been a mom for way too long.
1. She always looks when she hears someone call out “mom” in public. It doesn’t matter if her kids are with her or not. She will look before realizing that it’s not her child that needs her attention.
2. If she dared to look hard enough, she would find a stray Lego piece, a Barbie shoe, and glitter in every room of the house. Her kids may have long outgrown such toys and she can’t remember the last time a glitter-covered school art project was brought home, but they’re there somewhere.
3. She’s got bare footprints on the inside of her front car window where her teenagers sit back and relax in the front seat and stickers on the inside of the back car windows that her kids put there when they were quite a bit younger than they are today.
4. She continues to ask her children if they need to go to the “potty.” She also frequently announces that she needs to go to the “potty” and occasionally even asks other adults if they need to go to the “potty.” This, despite her kids all being well-past needing to use such words.
5. She looks forward to her child’s sports season and is disappointed when it’s over because it’s pretty much the only time she gets to get out of the house and socialize anymore.
6. She always has a pop station playing on her car radio, and even though she often complains about how annoying the songs are, she can’t help but sing along to them. It also takes her at least three songs to realize that she’s alone in the car and can listen to whatever she wants.
7. Nearly all of her conversations revolve around her children or parenting, and she feels completely useless in every other topic of conversation. This means she spends a lot of time praying that someone will mention children so she can join in on a conversation.
8. She feels anxious every time she leaves the house without extra underwear and enough snacks for all of her kids even though the chances of bathroom-related accidents and hunger-related temper tantrums are slim to none.
9. She imagines (with vivid details) that her husband or child is in every ambulance she sees, even if she knows where they are.
10. She lets her kids toss whatever they want into the cart now because she no longer cares if other people judge her for the number of jumbo-sized boxes of Fruit Loops are in her shopping cart nor does she fear artificial colorants and hydrogenated oils like she did when her kids were younger.
11. She no longer questions what “sucks” means when one of her children tell her they need clothing or other item replaced. She simply accepts that the item in question needs to be replaced and does so.
12. She no longer strictly enforces the “no TV on weeknights” rule because as long as her kids finish their homework, surely watching the Disney Channel for an hour before bed can’t do THAT much damage to their brains.
13. Although mothers should never use these phrases when talking to children but words like “stupid” and phrases like “shut up” have become a part of her and her children’s daily vocabularies and she’s totally fine with it even though at some point she would have washed her child’s mouth out with soap for such offensive language.
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